I love
My children. When I was sixteen I found out I was pregnant. I was still in high school, no money, living with my mom who was single and raising me and my sister. I knew this couple who was semi-related and wanting to adopt another baby. They had gone to Russia to adopt one when she was 18 months old. I spoke with them and they were great people. They had a nursey set up in thier house with an empty crib just waiting for a baby. I spent a few minutes just looking into it. Looking at the unused car seat, and yellow and green baby clothes hanging in the closet. Thier adopted daughter happened in
"It's for my new baby!" She asked.
"Oh," I commented
"Yeah, but God hasn't found us the right one yet. but he's looking hard. Mommy told me that."
I noticed her husband in the door.
"We've been waiting for a while for another." He responded glancing around the empty room.
I happened by the kitchen and overheard her ask him if he thought I would choose them to have the baby.
"Hunny, we've done this before don't do this to yourself."
She began to sniffle a little. She was unable to carry any children.
Yet, I decided I wanted to keep my baby.
So, a few short months later I gave birth to a health baby girl. That night while in the hospital my heart went out to her. I ended up spending hours talking to a nurse. I couldn't sleep at all that night, and as the sun rose in the morning light I looked at my baby. The sun seemed to make her sparkle, so I named her Crystal. I finally mustered the courage and through my tears I called the couple.
"Would you still like my baby?" I asked the lady.
After a moment of silence she asked me if I was serious.
"Yes" was all I could muster.
She began to cry told her husband and dropped the phone. He picked it up and after speaking with him for a couple minutes. They were on the way. Signing the papers was like signing my death certificate. Walking her up the hall way was the hardest trip I've ever done. Handing her over to tearfilled loving arms was easy, and seeing them fill that once empty car seat with sleeping beauty was heartbraking. Tears, and hugs, thank yous crossed everyones mouth. Walking out into the drizzling rain empty handed was horrible. That empty room would soon be full of love, and all the hope they held out for another baby. Thier dreams had come true. But mine had been shattered. Would I ever recover? Was I wrong?
For years I doubted my choice. Until, five years later I became a mother again. Now I have my 6 year old and my three year old. I now know how hard, and time consuming raising children is. And in my heart, I know I could have done it then, but wouldn't have enjoyed nearly as much. Having gone through the tears of loss, I help dry my girls tears with more sincerity. Having given up a child, I now enjoy every moment with my children. Having missed birthdays and holidays with one, has made me cherish all those birthdays and holidays, taking endless pictures. Having missed the little moments, I cherish every little new one. They all have made me the mother I am today, and my girls now are glad thier mom got a chance to grow up. So, on Valentines day, and every other day, I love my children more and more.
I miss Crystal everyday, but I cherish Kadence and Arianna. Crystal gave me strength, when I nothing else to give.
*I do get pics and letters every christmas she is now almost 11, and loves the life, and parents she has. Her name was changed, but she still has that same glow about her.*
give someone else a fair chance) but i did want to say i love so many things,theres to much to list. but the top ones are my hubby John,he's also my best friend & Robyn,our precious girly..I could survive without ponys, but not without Robyn & John.
