Social Isolation

Cactusflower

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I'm super angry at a friend of mine right now. I've been pretty low for several months. I don't have a job right now, so I'm choosy about the way I spend my money. He has invited me out for a number of celebrations at expensive bars and restaurants. I hate spending money on food and alcohol and I don't like to drink, but, I joined him every time at my own expense. I'm not destitute by any stretch. I worked hard for a lot of years and had a healthy income, but I've been unemployed for almost a year and will soon be eating into my savings.

Anyway, he gave me a hard time tonight about buying all the rainbow ponies and I snapped. When will people learn that it's no one's business how a person spends their money. I see friends spending foolishly all the time, but that is their choice and it's not my place to tell them how to spend their money. I'm angry because he ruined the one good thing that happened to me today. I haven't had a lot of cheer and I was so happy about my ponies.

People don't understand that those colourful pieces of plastic were there for me when no one else was. During my turbulent childhood, my imagination and ponies gave me a safe place to play. Even now, at 43 years old, I find myself retreating into my ponies. I socially isolate myself. I have no desire to people. Peopling sucks.

My three dimensional friends continually disappoint me and let me down. I find more support in my virtual and imaginary world, than I do in the "real" world.

I'm sure I'll lighten up in the morning. I'll have to catalogue the new arrivals. Something to look forward to and a reason to get out of bed.
 

Gingerbread

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I totally feels ya! I hate peopling to, being alone and being lonely are 2 very different things. I enjoy my me time and as long as you interact with people enough that you don't start to feel lonely I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm upfront with my friends about it though, I outright say, "you know how I am, I don't want to be social tonight" the ones who are truly my friends get that. They might try to persuade me a little but if I don't want to do something I'm just not doing it. Everyday we have to do stuff we don't really want to, jobs, chores, gym and in my old age I've learned to love saying no. When I was younger I was much more easily guilted into stuff but the older I get the more I am confident in myself and just kinda don't care what others think, so I say no if I really don't want to do something and like I said those people in my life that are important get it and I've gotten over worrying about the others.
From a financial point, I think it was very rude of him to give you a hard time about buying ponies. Like you said, he never gives you a hard time about spending money at expensive restaurants. If you don't enjoy doing that then it is a waste but if ponies make you happy then that brings you way more value then a dinner you aren't excited about. Everyone has their own things they like and it isn't really anyone's business what you do. I have a sign in my pony room that says, "Because it makes me happy. Next question" and what I've found is just like so many other things, the people who don't get that are the people that really don't mean much to me. My family and true friends don't really think anything of it or they think it's interesting and some are even encouraging but the few who have given me hard time I just don't bother with. I didn't cut them out but they know I'm confident in myself and their opinions don't matter.
I hope you enjoy your rainbow ponies and have a wonderful day with your new ponies today :)
 

Ology

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how rude indeed. Pony are what make you happy and he has no right to say anything about it. He seems like he can do what he want so you should do what you want.
I am a social invert myself I rarely leave my house and I spend more time with my ponies dolls and other toys then anything. Buying a new pony should make a person happy especially when its something they cant do very often. I don't like peopleling either. I bearly can live with my family who hate my toys and want me to grew up and be little me every chance they get. I got dumped by my two friends after I lost my job and my one true friend live 3 states away.
We really relay on our plastic pony friends from childhood to adulthood for comfort.
I Hope your ponies bring you great joy
 

Tak

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He has no right to judge you. He's spending frivolously when he's buying alcohol, or when ppl spend money on manicures and pedicures. It's completely your business and nobody else's. I'm so sorry he treated you so poorly when it sounds like you were only a good friend to him. My real life friend collects firearms. I don't think less of her for it. She's very careful and safe with them. She doesn't judge my collecting either, because she knows it makes me happy to hold a beloved pony, brush it, talk to it, and keep it clean.

Enjoy your ponies and know that you have a whole group of people who like you just as you are. :xmashug:

I, personally, rarely leave the house or my nice private yard. My latest, and last, attempt at making a friend ended up with me being taken for all I was worth, my daughter's stuff was stolen, and then he insulted me in every possible way, harassing me via text and Facebook message, then threatened me. I'm left with nothing to show for it except an incredible amount of debt, a desire to never try again, and the stress of having to involve the police just so we could feel safe in our home. Oh, I guess one thing came from it. My daughter learned first-hand how manipulative and selfish ppl can be. Hopefully she won't fall victim to any scams. I don't want to destroy her belief in the good ppl out there, and so far she seems to understand.
 
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Skybreeze

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No one should judge anyone for something that’s harmless that brings anyone joy.

My friends/family pick on me about my ponies. While it’s meant in good fun, it gets old. I just say there’s worse thing I could be into and what I collect doesn’t affect anyone else.

You do you girl! And sometimes (a lot of the time in my case) that means pony haul.
 

Uftaki

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Pretty much what everyone is saying, here. He shouldn't belittle you for spending your money the way YOU want to spend it... when he's the one choosing all these expensive restaurants and bars (especially if you don't like to drink! :< ). (also, sometimes some of the best food experiences/places are the little middle-of-the-road hidden gem spots you find from time to time. Good doesn't always equal expensive).

I can't remember how it went exactly... but I do remember reading something about "poorer" people, or unemployed people, and how others harshly and unfairly for ANY little extravagant, "extra" thing they may buy (as opposed to things like food + bills)... They may have saved up for months, or been given money as a gift, to buy this special little thing for themselves. But the 'where the money came from' really doesn't matter... when 1) it's none of other people's business, and 2) people NEED these "frivolous" things, to keep themselves happy. To deny buying ANYTHING 'frivolous', because others think 'oh, you shouldn't be buying that sort of stuff in your situation' (which is RUDE)... If it brings a little bit of joy into your life... if it is something you'll cherish and enjoy... something that will help you get through the day/week/whatever! No one should be shamed into not buying stuff like that.

You keep on doing what you like doing, and what makes YOU happiest. That is the most important thing. And I wish you lots of luck in finding a new job that you'll love!
 

LightningSilver-Mana

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Dude, ponies are a ANTI-DRUG and ANTI-DEPRESSANT. you should have criticized his bar hopping choices like a ton of bricks.

I'm approaching age 34 and have no irl friends I hang with. Just my husband, and kids

And I'm cordial enough for survival sake, and to get my kids socialized with neighbors.

But whenever I meet a friend that wants to hang out they usually want to get weed or alcohol involved and there are just ALWAYS problems.

That and everyone I run into is a gossiping you-know-what.

I just prefer online socializing these days
 

Skybreeze

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^^^^^ That. I couldn’t agree more.

I’ve found in my group of “friends” it’s always me whose like “hey we haven’t seen each other in like a year - we should go for coffee.”

Then everyone cancels last second, so I’ve given up on people. You want to see me or hang out - you come to me now. I’m no longer making an effort until I see effort made on others’ behalf.
 

Tak

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Dude, ponies are a ANTI-DRUG and ANTI-DEPRESSANT. you should have criticized his bar hopping choices like a ton of bricks.

I'm approaching age 34 and have no irl friends I hang with. Just my husband, and kids

And I'm cordial enough for survival sake, and to get my kids socialized with neighbors.

But whenever I meet a friend that wants to hang out they usually want to get weed or alcohol involved and there are just ALWAYS problems.

That and everyone I run into is a gossiping you-know-what.

I just prefer online socializing these days
^^^^^ That. I couldn’t agree more.

I’ve found in my group of “friends” it’s always me whose like “hey we haven’t seen each other in like a year - we should go for coffee.”

Then everyone cancels last second, so I’ve given up on people. You want to see me or hang out - you come to me now. I’m no longer making an effort until I see effort made on others’ behalf.
Yes so much to both!
 

Cactusflower

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He has no right to judge you. He's spending frivolously when he's buying alcohol, or when ppl spend money on manicures and pedicures. It's completely your business and nobody else's. I'm so sorry he treated you so poorly when it sounds like you were only a good friend to him. My real life friend collects firearms. I don't think less of her for it. She's very careful and safe with them. She doesn't judge my collecting either, because she knows it makes me happy to hold a beloved pony, brush it, talk to it, and keep it clean.

Enjoy your ponies and know that you have a whole group of people who like you just as you are. :xmashug:

I, personally, rarely leave the house or my nice private yard. My latest, and last, attempt at making a friend ended up with me being taken for all I was worth, my daughter's stuff was stolen, and then he insulted me in every possible way, harassing me via text and Facebook message, then threatened me. I'm left with nothing to show for it except an incredible amount of debt, a desire to never try again, and the stress of having to involve the police just so we could feel safe in our home. Oh, I guess one thing came from it. My daughter learned first-hand how manipulative and selfish ppl can be. Hopefully she won't fall victim to any scams. I don't want to destroy her belief in the good ppl out there, and so far she seems to understand.

That's a terrible story Tak. And yet, I feel like maybe a bunch of us on here have some comparably awful friends gone wild story. People can be so terrible. This is why we have ponies though. It's about a place where good triumphs over evil and ponies who learn to get along with each other.

Pretty much what everyone is saying, here. He shouldn't belittle you for spending your money the way YOU want to spend it... when he's the one choosing all these expensive restaurants and bars (especially if you don't like to drink! :< ). (also, sometimes some of the best food experiences/places are the little middle-of-the-road hidden gem spots you find from time to time. Good doesn't always equal expensive).

I can't remember how it went exactly... but I do remember reading something about "poorer" people, or unemployed people, and how others harshly and unfairly for ANY little extravagant, "extra" thing they may buy (as opposed to things like food + bills)... They may have saved up for months, or been given money as a gift, to buy this special little thing for themselves. But the 'where the money came from' really doesn't matter... when 1) it's none of other people's business, and 2) people NEED these "frivolous" things, to keep themselves happy. To deny buying ANYTHING 'frivolous', because others think 'oh, you shouldn't be buying that sort of stuff in your situation' (which is RUDE)... If it brings a little bit of joy into your life... if it is something you'll cherish and enjoy... something that will help you get through the day/week/whatever! No one should be shamed into not buying stuff like that.

You keep on doing what you like doing, and what makes YOU happiest. That is the most important thing. And I wish you lots of luck in finding a new job that you'll love!
Exactly Uftaki. Shaming people who don't have a job for trying to find something small to make their life feel less crappy. And he's fully aware of my financial situation, which is not dire. I have money and I'm not broke. I'm careful and that's something different. I had my healthy income for a lot of years and although I'm watching what I'm doing now, it's because I'm trying to keep my options open as long as I can.

This friend has been living at home with his mom and spends easily on expensive, crappy food. DUDE, like he goes to Boston Pizza, GROSS. In this neighbourhood we have great, healthier and cheaper food, but he's not interested. Anyway, he hasn't spoken to me and I don't expect to hear from him again.

I spent my Friday night straightening out some frizzy pony hair and putting in curlers. It was time well spent.

I have to try to get to bed. I have a training exercise with my Search and Rescue team tomorrow morning and I have to remember all my climbing knots.

Thanks ponies.
Cactusflower
 
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