- Joined
- Feb 25, 2014
- Messages
- 990
I have OCD (clinically diagnosed, not this "I'm such a neat freak" crap). I've had depression from the age of 14, and it developed from that when I was 18. For the next few years it became increasingly worse. Every day I would spend literally hours in the bathroom washing myself, I couldn't touch or pick up anything without using a cloth or tissue, and I couldn't eat anything but dry rice and cereal. I also only left the house a total of maybe a week in the span of 3 years. I repeated everything I did over and over. There were times I became so trapped in that cycle that I felt it would never end and I'd be stuck there forever until I died. I was suicidal and cried every day from the helplessness and frustration. I lived with my mother and grandmother, and neither of them could understand what I was going through. They believed that I was doing all of it consciously and thought I could just decide to stop if I wanted to. Thankfully I never had to admit myself to hospital, and with the help of antidepressants and the support of my boyfriend, I turned myself around. I still deal with OCD every day, I still have my repetition and my rituals that often don't make sense even to me, and it's worse some days than others, but I can live normally around it.
Living with depression and OCD for years, I know what it's like to have an invisible condition, to have people not comprehend it and treat you like you're crazy or faking it. I know what it's like to feel broken, and how hard it is to have even your loved ones not understand and not be able to help you. I'm still too ashamed to tell my boyfriend the details of my OCD. I don't want him to know what it's like, and I don't want to think about it or have to remember it, either. But I do hope that everyone here with an invisible illness (mental or physical) at least has something to lose yourself in to distract from the pain, or someone you can go to for comfort, even if that person doesn't fully understand what you're going through. I find that escapism and a security blanket can often be the greatest tools to help you get through the hard times. That and the knowledge that you're not alone. Even if you don't have someone nearby to hold you, remember that you'll always have us to talk to and laugh with when you're feeling down.
Living with depression and OCD for years, I know what it's like to have an invisible condition, to have people not comprehend it and treat you like you're crazy or faking it. I know what it's like to feel broken, and how hard it is to have even your loved ones not understand and not be able to help you. I'm still too ashamed to tell my boyfriend the details of my OCD. I don't want him to know what it's like, and I don't want to think about it or have to remember it, either. But I do hope that everyone here with an invisible illness (mental or physical) at least has something to lose yourself in to distract from the pain, or someone you can go to for comfort, even if that person doesn't fully understand what you're going through. I find that escapism and a security blanket can often be the greatest tools to help you get through the hard times. That and the knowledge that you're not alone. Even if you don't have someone nearby to hold you, remember that you'll always have us to talk to and laugh with when you're feeling down.