What were you doing ..........?

I was making tiny outfits for ponies and giving a diploma to Peachy :lolpony:
 
Listening to Final Fantasy Vi and IX soundtracks on my T.V. via YouTube through internet on our Play Station 3 while packaging custom ponies for shipping out, boiling water for pumpkin spice and blackberry teas, organizing future custom pony projects, feeding my 2 kids a small meal before bathtime~
 
I'm finally getting my life together. I have very bad depression because of my chronic illness. I'm totally fine when I'm with my partner or when I have a job to do but when I'm left to my own thoughts I usually make myself feel so blue. Tonight he's at work so I've been very depressed and I just simply couldn't take another day of pain and enough was enough. So I sat and thought for a while. Finally I got myself up. Instead of doing something stupid I decided to tackle my half packed house. So I've been working since 10PM to now 3:50 AM and have totally reorganized my Etsy shipping room and pony room. I've got lots of boxes unpacked and I feel wonderful. I feel organized and I feel like I have some control in my life. I'm also thrilled because I know when my Bubbie gets home he'll be so proud of the work I did. I'm very independent but since I've gotten sick I'm really dependent on him. Sometimes I need him to help me get dressed and to even walk so anytime I can do something for myself it feels like a huge accomplishment. I love seeing him so happy that I was able to tackle something on my own. :satisfied:

Sorry for starting out this post in such a depressing way. I just feel so much better now. I feel like I have a handle on my life again and I wanted to share my little revelation
 
Last edited:
I know you'll be able to tackle more and more as your confidence grows! Depression just sucks the life out of you. I've been struggling with my own, but knowing I have so many people and animals depending on me, I just keep going. That very act keeps me alive I think.

Weirdly I looked at the calendar and saw it is the anniversary of my husband's death 19 years ago. I thought it was later. Guess not. I'm never know what day it is. I always feel oddly listless and sorrowful this day, wondering if somehow, someway he might try to contact me and let me know he's okay. That's dense to say, because in my heart, I feel certain that's he's somewhere wonderful and he's happy, but the selfish bit of me wishes he'd never been taken from me, especially so young. And while he was my first love, I was so lucky to have found my current partner 6 years after his death. She and I have been together 13 years now and my life with Steve seems very far away now. Still, I can't complain. I had 11 wonderful years from him, from age 17 to 28. We have a handsome, loving son. Steve is still with me everyday. I intend to celebrate his life, rather than mourn its passing.
 
evilbunnyfoofoo said:
I know you'll be able to tackle more and more as your confidence grows! Depression just sucks the life out of you. I've been struggling with my own, but knowing I have so many people and animals depending on me, I just keep going. That very act keeps me alive I think.

Weirdly I looked at the calendar and saw it is the anniversary of my husband's death 19 years ago. I thought it was later. Guess not. I'm never know what day it is. I always feel oddly listless and sorrowful this day, wondering if somehow, someway he might try to contact me and let me know he's okay. That's dense to say, because in my heart, I feel certain that's he's somewhere wonderful and he's happy, but the selfish bit of me wishes he'd never been taken from me, especially so young. And while he was my first love, I was so lucky to have found my current partner 6 years after his death. She and I have been together 13 years now and my life with Steve seems very far away now. Still, I can't complain. I had 11 wonderful years from him, from age 17 to 28. We have a handsome, loving son. Steve is still with me everyday. I intend to celebrate his life, rather than mourn its passing.
Click to expand...

Thank you very much. Depression is one of the worst things a person can go through. It's bad enough I hurt so much, I don't need a naggy feeling in my heart to worsen it. That's how I feel. Sometimes I honestly want to die. I don't know the reason why I should keep going. All I do is hurt and I'm such a burden on my family so why stick around. Then I look at my loving partner and he tells me how I mean the world to him. We spend almost everyday together. He makes it worth while to keep going. I have amazing friends and some are like children to me. I know if I wasn't there they would be so lost in the world. Some of these kids are literally on the street. They rely on me. I can't be selfish just because I hurt. My family needs me so I keep going.

Sorry to go on like that. That honestly turned into a a little pep talk/reminder for myself.

I'm very sorry about your husband's passing. I also believe our loved ones move onto a better place. They watch over us and keep us safe. I'm sure that's what your husband is doing. I think he would very happy to see you in a loving relationship and continuing to live your life to the best that you can. I don't know your beliefs but in my heart I believe death isn't permanent. Way down the line you'll see him again but in the here and now you're very lucky to have a loving partner. Some people never find true love but you've found it twice. You have a wonderful son and a loving partner and I'm sure that would fill your husband's heart with joy. It's wonderful you want to celebrate his life because I think he would celebrate yours as well.

I'm sorry if I stepped over any boundaries by saying that. I had a partner who was shot and killed years ago. Nothing like your marriage as we were only together a few months but I do understand what it's like to lose someone you love and what it's like to move on so this really tugged at my heart.
 
You'd have to step on a kitten to overstep with me, Moondream!

I'll answer this more fully later, but I admit, seeing that you had a partner shot and killed literally dropped my jaw. 19 years ago at 11:01pm Steve was shot twice, once in the chest, once in the back and died on the scene. What an awful coincidence that you and I have such terrible occurrences in common.

I'll be back later to continue this conversation!
 
It really is an awful coincidence. I feel awful for bringing that up now. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for your husband. Gosh I think I need a break for a few minutes. I feel so sick when I talk about my partner. Her name was Amy. Why don't you message me when you come back? I just need a new minutes to get my composure. I'm sorry I'm being so rude and inconsiderate.
 
You've never been anything but sweet and loving. Wrote yo a note. We'll talk more later!
HUGS!
 
Moondream said:
It really is an awful coincidence. I feel awful for bringing that up now. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for your husband. Gosh I think I need a break for a few minutes. I feel so sick when I talk about my partner. Her name was Amy. Why don't you message me when you come back? I just need a new minutes to get my composure. I'm sorry I'm being so rude and inconsiderate.
Click to expand...
evilbunnyfoofoo said:
You've never been anything but sweet and loving. Wrote yo a note. We'll talk more later!
HUGS!
Click to expand...

*HUGS TO YOU BOTH*
 
I was just thinking how been more active on this board for the last few months has been more up lifting and helpful then all the meds and therapy and counseling. I was talking with my mom and laugh at something and she said it was so nice to hear me laugh and seem happy. She said its been a long time sense she seen me this up lifted.

I lost one of my best guy friends in high school he was murdered as well. He was going to take me to the prom the next year. I miss him a lot.
 
Hugs to all of you that are going through difficult times and have gone through the pain of losing loved ones
@Ology thats lovely to hear you had a laugh with your Mum, thats so special..
I'll say goodnight to all of you till tomorrow..
 
I was on the phone with my mom discussing potential things for me and my boyfriend to do next week. He's taken four days of leave around the public holiday, and got off call for support this weekend and next, so for once he has a full 9 days of total escape from work. Initially we were supposed to go to Cape Town with his family, but that fell through. Nevertheless, we want to try and make it a real holiday, so I've been looking up fun activities we can do and places we can go here in our city and province. The only problem is, a lot of it is expensive (obviously directed at tourists) or far away, so we need to decide what's worth spending the time and money on doing.
 
I was and still am in bed with a cold. I hate season allergies they just run me down so much. Oh well rather be sneeze and puffy eyes then a stomach ache. It always can be worse.
Also working on the Free adoptable pony items pick some cuties up yesterday and gave them a good clean now to do their hair.
 
Walking home in the pouring rain! :p
 
Watching Lalaloopsy eating some soup
 
Ology said:
Watching Lalaloopsy eating some soup
Click to expand...

I always thought Lalaloopsy was sort of creepy until I watched the cartoon. Now I'm in love :ponylove:

I'm helping my fiance make white chilli and wrapping some extra presents for the Halloween swap.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top