Telling my parents that My husband and I are moving out of state

muffin236

Teeny Tiny Baby Pony
Joined
Aug 22, 2005
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So this is a pretty random topic, but I just need some outside input on this as I have had very mixed opinions from those around me.
My husband and I live in Connecticut currently about an hour away from my parents who live up in Massachusetts. We just had a baby girl which is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Naturally she is adored and my parents want us to move closer to them so they can see her more often. We are currently putting our house up on the market because we no don't like our neighborhood and want to move somewhere more suiting for us.
Our options are -
We move up north closer to them and pay more than we currently are on a mortgage, in a home that will likely need improvements, while I will have to look for a new job ( I work for petsmart as a groomer and there are no stores there for me to transfer to, plus the job market sucks up there, Luckily my husband works from home so he can work wherever there is internet access. ) I would also have to go back to full time work as we could not afford a home up there without my added income. But my mom would have her dreams of being the grandma babysitter she always wanted to be.

or

We move closer to his family in South Carolina. His grandfather owns a home down there that we vacation to so we know the area very well ( its in Myrtle Beach ) and there are many homes near his for sale that are newly built and completely in our price range as everything is cheaper there!!!! I would also be able to transfer my job, and continue to work part time so I can be with my growing daughter. The neighborhood is wonderful and the weather is obviously a million times nicer than it is in the Northeast ( neither of us like the snow ... )

I don't know how to break their hearts and tell them we want to be down there. I love my parents to death and would love to live closer to them but the area they live in offers us nothing and we will be breaking ourselves to live there. it would be for their sole benefit and that is all. Both of them are retired and it would be very easy for them to travel to visit us but they are stubborn and don't like traveling to new places they aren't familiar with.
I have spoken with them about the idea of us moving and they are very opposed to the idea even though they know the benefits for us. My dad is a contractor and insists on us buying a home near them and he claims he will do the work to remodel it for us, but he doesn't seem to consider the costs of that, even though I know he would help us with it, we would still have a huge expense. We want a home that is ready to move in and doesn't need tons of work, and that is an option if we were to move to SC.

Ugh.. I hate the idea of taking their Granddaugther away, but I Just don't know what to do, they have done so much for us, I hate to break their hearts but I know that us moving down there would be by far best for us!!!
Help me!!!!!!!!

:sadpony:
 
IMO you need to do what's best for you, your husband and baby.
As heart breaking as it will be to your family, you need to worry about yourselves first.
I moved almost 1000 miles from my family about 9 years ago and it was hard, but I had to do the best thing for me.
:smilepony:
Good luck!
 
I have to agree with ceegee. You have to do what is best for your family, even if it means moving away. Perhaps you can soften the blow by finding a house with an extra room which you can tell your parents is 'their' room for when they visit (hopefully often). You could decorate it with things you know would appeal to them, so it would be obvious you made a space just for them. That might be hard though, having an extra room just for that.

You have to do what's best for you. Better prices and lower costs mean more savings, better weather means better health... Sounds like a lot of good reasons to move to me. I'm sure they'll be sad, but understand.

Good luck with it all. HUGS!
 
A move like that will, of course, be hard on everyone involved, but I'm sure your parents would only want what's best for you and your family (no matter how much they would protest). Suggest that they help you move to South Carolina and maybe even offer them the chance to decorate "their" guestroom themselves. Seeing the better opportunities and economy firsthand might help soften the blow of you taking their granddaughter so far away.
 
You have to put the needs of your daughter before the whims of her grandparents. Financial security and improved living conditions are far more important than the approval of your parents. It would be selfish of them to ignore the benefits that moving away would have on their granddaughter's wellbeing.

If you have to spend all your time working and fixing up a house, you will have less time to devote to your child, and your income will not be stable enough to give her everything she deserves, or to be prepared for whatever life throws at you. You may be able to make it work for now, but you have no idea what might happen in the long term. It's better to play it safe when it comes to big decisions like this, lest you end up regretting your choices later on, when it's far too late.

It is not worth sacrificing your baby girl's happiness just so that your parents don't have to travel to visit you. Even if it may disappoint them, they will have to accept that you are doing what is best for her and for your family's future. Eventually they will come to terms with it.
 
I agree with others. Also it does not make sense to buy/rent a house, which you do not really afford to. It only gets you worried and stressed because the money issues etc. indebtedness is never good option.

Your parents should understand your reasons and accept them. Everything isn't going as planed in life. Maybe your parents could move too ;D or they just need to visit more often in your new home then.

Good luck and congrats for the new baby :smilepony:
 
Yes, ditto on the above. It's your decision, not theirs.

I lived 2000 miles away from family for 12 years because of my dad's job transfer. Everyone survived the move. :)

Just post lots of picture of your family online so they can see how big their grandchild is getting. They'll still spoil her rotten through the mail.
 
I agree with all of the other posts, you need to do what will put you in the best situation for you, your husband and child. Being in a better financial state and having more time to spend with your family is more important than appeasing your folks. Besides if they really can't stand being away from you, they can move. I don't know how close your parents are to retirement but in all honesty who would it be harder on? Your parents don't have all the same responsibilities you do as a young family just starting out. It may be easier on everyone if they moved if they felt that strongly about it but you'd probably find that after a little time they would just get used to you guys living farther away. We all eventually adapt.
 
I fought like **** with my mother when I told her I was moving to Alaska. And the 12 years I was there - her response was always "well YOU wanted to live there..."

Good Luck
 
It is your choice, and you have to look out for your little family. If your parents cannot support your decision then obviously theyre being self centered and selfish. I agree with all the posts above and it would be a smart and wise decision to move south. If it's going to affect your family like the others think, it wont be wise to break yourself to keep your parents happy.
 
Your baby will only be a baby once. If you work full time and miss her growing up when you had other options you may never forgive yourself. There must be a way to explain this to them that they would understand?
 
Any update?
 
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