I had a date with a boy

Cactusflower

Pied Piper of Ponies
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I'm going to begin with a disclaimer that I don't really have many girlfriends, so I'm sharing with my pony gals.

I'm 42 years old and I've been single a long time. About 6 years now. I never really dated before. I've had 4 boyfriends, all of whom were friends first.

Anyway, men have never been priority in my life, but geez, it's been a long time. A pony has needs.

I'm not a fan of internet dating. I tried it a couple times with unpleasant results. I don't like clingy or pushy men and I seem to attract exactly that type. I decided to give it another shot and I connected with a guy about two months ago. We went out yesterday and I feel a bit like a deer in the headlights.

I generally receive attention from ridiculously younger men in their 20's because I look and act young. This guy is 38, which is perfect for me. He's very good looking, which is usually a turn off for me, because I feel like good looking men are used to the kind of girl that I am not. (Skinny, pretty, from a wealthy family, yadda, yadda). However, he's into hiking, running, camping, backpacking and ton of other things I do, so I was naturally drawn to him.

I don't have the greatest self esteem, so I was shocked that he even wanted to meet me. He's far better looking than I am and I'm painfully aware that he is super fit and although I'm also quite fit, I'm fat. Ok, not super fat, but I don't look like an athlete, even though I perform like one.

I was feeling super insecure to meet him, because I was convinced he would take one look at me and his first thought would be "She's fat. I don't want to be with a fat chick."

My first thought when I saw him was, "Yeah, this isn't going to work. Too good looking."

He was a bit odd at first. Not a lot of eye contact. Seemed serious and distant. Not the kind of guy I'm usually attracted to.

I was determined to make the best of it and be my excited self (a bit like Pinkie Pie, I tend to bounce along when excited). We went snowshoeing on the north shore. It was a bit tricky to get to know each other, as it was mostly single track on very loud crunchy snow, but slowly, he started talking more and I found we have many things in common. We like the same types of beer, grew up with the same 80's cartoons and seem to have similar values. He disclosed that he has only had a few girlfriends, which I was surprised by. By the time we finished our snowshoe, to my surprise, he had really grown on me. Maybe his initial aloofness was just that he is more reserved than me or maybe he was uncomfortable meeting someone new.

We went for a drink and the conversation kept getting better. We both lost our jobs in the last few months due to "reorganization". We are both going on EI and wanting to make career changes. During our drink, I was shaking like mad. At first I thought it was just an adrenaline reaction (happens sometimes when I'm excited), but then I realized it was a chill from sweating while snowshoeing. He grabbed my hand and he was like "You're freezing, let me get you my warm puffy coat from the jeep". I declined saying I was alright and I have an extra coat in my car, but he leaps off his seat and runs to the car for his coat. I guess chivalry isn't dead. It was a nice thing to do.

We finished our drinks and headed to our separate cars. He gave me a nice hug and said "We should do this again sometime". I said "Thank you, I'd like that." If I wasn't imagining things, I do believe we exchanged a look that seemed to indicate "Hey, you're alright."

I walked to my car noticing an odd fluttery feeling in my stomach.

Anyway, the moral of this long winded tale is never judge a book by it's cover. Sounds cliche, but there's something to it. My fear of being judged for my looks, led me judge a guy based on how he looked. He ended up being a decent and kind fellow who showed me nothing but respect.

FYI - I texted him later and thanked him for the lovely time and beer and said next time was on me. He replied saying he was looking forward to it. Even if nothing ever comes of it, I had a great experience and I'm far less concerned about giving good looking guys a chance.
 
Aww I'm glad it went well.
 
while I am asexual myself and I don't get the whole dating thing. I am very happy for you connecting with someone that made you happy and I hope it will work out into something more or at least you found a good friend to hang out with.
 
Oh wow how awesome is that. When you describe it, it instantly takes me back to when I met R2. I am very happy for you.
 
Oh, nice :) Sounds like a good date. I think personality can overcome looks any day, at least with anyone worth being interested in in the first place. The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence.
 
It sounds like it went well. I'm happy for you. I'm on ology's side of the yard. I tried being "normal" and found that the worst thing you can do is change into someone you aren't in order to stay with another person. It sounds like you stayed true to you and that he was a polite interested gentleman. The good guys are still out there, just hard to find. I hope all works out well. :)
 
Thanks ponies.

"Normal" is a relative concept. Some people identify hetero, cis gender people as "normal", but I think normal is different for different people. Some might think it abnormal that I had boyfriends, but never dated until my 40's. Some people think it's abnormal that men were never a priority for me at all and still aren't, that I was never interested in marriage, that children weren't a priority for me. Similarly, just because someone prefers the same sex or no sex at all, doesn't mean they aren't normal. A great majority of my aquaintances are polyamorous folks. It's normal for them to have multiple partners at one time, whereas for me it's one at a time (if at all ::p).

I think we can all agree that's it's best to just be who you are. I've never had a problem with being myself. I still have to work on liking myself, particularly the package I come in. Confidence in my appearance has always been an issue for me, but I'm trying really hard to change this.
 
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Thanks ponies.

"Normal" is a relative concept. Some people identify hetero, cis gender people as "normal", but I think normal is different for different people. Some might think it abnormal that I had boyfriends, but never dated until my 40's. Some people think it's abnormal that men were never a priority for me at all and still aren't, that I was never interested in marriage, that children weren't a priority for me. Similarly, just because someone prefers the same sex or no sex at all, doesn't mean they aren't normal. A great majority of my aquaintances are polyamorous folks. It's normal for them to have multiple partners at one time, whereas for me it's one at a time (if at all ::p).

I think we can all agree that's it's best to just be who you are. I've never had a problem with being myself. I still have to work on liking myself, particularly the package I come in. Confidence in my appearance has always been an issue for me, but I'm trying really hard to change this.

That's why normal was in quotes... I'm normal for me. I was trying to meet my parents and societies versions of normal. Although. My normal is pretty crazy. Not many people function at all with the level of hallucinations that I experience. Luckily most can drug it away. Some lose creativity and intelligence by drugging it away. (I'm only speaking of legal rx drugs) Due to my other health issues and having my daughter the drugs were never the right fix. I have a service dog now. He makes sorting realities so much easier. My daughter loves me just the way I am. So I'm ok with being me. :) I'm just always happy to hear about strong women especially who stay true to themselves. I like knowing because it makes me feel my daughter has a good chance at a happy life.
 
Drugs are tricky for sure. Not a solution for everyone. I never cared for meds myself, but fortunately, my issues are completely manageable with a moderate and sometimes major amount of work. I'm a huge fan of service animals, they can make all the difference in a persons life. A friend of mine has Ankylosing spondylitis and it just waiting for her new service dog to be old enough to come home. I'm very excited for her. I hear you about enjoying hearing about strong women. I don't have a lot of girlfriends, but I'm all about the girl power. It makes me smile to hear you're raising another strong woman who loves her mama!
 
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Just for a bit of humor I would date but only certain fictional characters and non are human lol. In high school my few friends voted me as the one on the space ship dating the alien. Nothing about sex mind you just I would be with the Alien not a human.
 
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Just for a bit of humor I would date but only certain fictional characters and non are human lol. In high school my few friends voted me as the one on the space ship dating the alien. Nothing about sex mind you just I would be with the Alien not a human.
Have you seen The Shape of Water? It was amazing. How do you feel about mermen?
 
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Have you seen The Shape of Water? It was amazing. How do you about mermen?
Yes as of today I have see the Shape of Water 32 time and no I am not kidding. I also own the book and the other big book on the making of the movie. The Merman was Hot I go with him on of my crushes after all is the Gill man and Abe from Hellboy.
 
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