Heartbreak

Discussion in 'Friends Discussion' started by Cactusflower, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. Cactusflower

    Cactusflower Pied Piper of Ponies

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    36 hours ago I woke for my last day of vacation in Cuba. At 9pm last night, I went on the internet in Cuba for the first time in a week and I saw something I knew I would see some day, but still didn’t expect it and I wasn’t ready for it. On Monday, the love of my life died. It’s strange how something can be expected, but can also be completely unexpected.

    His name was Doc and he was a magnificent quarter horse. He was a dark brown horse, with two rear socks and a star on his forehead. He would have been 32 years old this January, but sadly, on Monday, he became colic and wasn't able to bounce back. 14 years ago I met Doc through my friend and his human, Tara. I accidentally fell in love with her horse. I spent 6 days a week with him for several years. Doc and Tara live in Ontario and I've been in BC for the last 10 years. I still see him every time I return home.

    I have been in love once. With a horse. Don’t think it’s lost on me how ridiculous that sounds. When Doc whinnied to me in greeting and galloped to the fence to greet me, I felt like I mattered. No human has ever given me that feeling. I don’t have a husband or children or family or friends like many others do. I’m 43 years old and I live a pretty solitary life. What if this is all I get? What if my only chance to feel love and happiness was with a **** horse. And not even my horse. I’m sitting in my living room looking at his picture. His is the only picture I have in my living room. The only living thing I ever felt a real connection with was a stubborn, four legged, bagel eating beastie. Perhaps a part of my grief comes from this feeling of being a pathetic loser. It was an unconventional relationship I had with Doc, but does mean that it should count any less? My heartbreak feels pretty real. If love could have kept him alive, he would have lived forever.
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  2. Skybreeze

    Skybreeze BBE Pony

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    Cactus, I’m sorry to hear about your loss.

    As another who has loved an animal deeply I understand where your coming from. No, your feeling of loss should never count as any less than anyone else’s. Animals touch us in a completely different way than human relationships, I believe they come into our lives for a reason. It’s the biggest hurt to feel loosing a furry friend. Even if it’s not your own pet, those bonds are more special and hurt just as much.

    You are entitled to feeling loss and grief over Doc’s passing. Don’t ever feel bad or strange for feeling the way you do for him. He was apart of your life for a reason. Sending you big hugs.
  3. my little pony collector

    my little pony collector Pony lover piggy mama

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    I'm sorry for your loss too he was a beautiful horse .
    And I agree with @Skybreeze
    We are here for you
    :xmashug::xmashug::xmashug::xmashug::xmashug::xmashug::xmashug::xmashug::xmashug::xmashug::xmashug::xmashug:
  4. Lady Arachnia

    Lady Arachnia Love to be a BushWoolie!!!

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    My sincere and deepest condoleances to you.....and please don't feel weird to grief about *an animal* like it was a human! It was your best friend for severall years! And not grieving would be weird!
    I lost one of my cats 2 weeks ago....we had 2 kitties and 2 doggies....and although we still have 3 critters walking around...we all have something like...it feels empty whithout Lilo...
    :sadpony::cry::sadpony::cry::sadpony:
    Tak, Cactusflower and Leave a Whisper like this.
  5. evilbunnyfoofoo

    evilbunnyfoofoo My shoes are laced with irony Staff Member Moderator

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    Loving an animal deeply is no fault, it's a gift. While animals might live a shorter time than us, they burn far brighter. They are without guile, and hold little malice. Their love is deep and pure, without condition. I don't find it odd at all for someone to fall in love with an animal. NO human can love you like they can. I am still mired in mourning for my little dog Pinkie. I may well mourn her the rest of my life. I still have a huge hole in my heart after having to have my pony Princess Sparkles put down earlier this year. I know some people don't get it, and that's fine. But no one can deny the bond between two souls. I firmly believe you will see Doc again, maybe in your dreams where he can freely visit you, certainly in the life after this. He'll wait for you. And he will find you.

    But I want to stress that you do have friends and family. You have us. We might be separated by great distances, but this small little group is tight, and we love our members dearly. I love you. You're never alone.
    Tak, Cactusflower and Leave a Whisper like this.
  6. evilbunnyfoofoo

    evilbunnyfoofoo My shoes are laced with irony Staff Member Moderator

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    I'm so sorry to hear about Lilo as well! It's always hard to be apart from our sweet little animal companions. I know they're only here briefly, but I'm so greedy, I want to keep them with me forever!
  7. Leave a Whisper

    Leave a Whisper Resident Feather-brain

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    Thats the sucky part of loving animals. We hafta say goodbye a lot sooner then we'd like. They become our family and our best friends all in one. I'm sorry for your loss of this special guy. :xmashug:
  8. Leave a Whisper

    Leave a Whisper Resident Feather-brain

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    :xmashug: I'm sorry about Lilo.
  9. Cactusflower

    Cactusflower Pied Piper of Ponies

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    Thank you all for your lovely words. It's nice to be around people who understand animal bonds. Yesterday was a big, long blur. I've had some sleep and I'm trying to face today's obstacle - finding a job.

    Lady Arachnia - I'm sorry to hear about Lilo.
  10. Ology

    Ology Ponyologiest!

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    So sorry lots of love and light I lost my horse ten years ago and it still hurts many hugs
  11. evilbunnyfoofoo

    evilbunnyfoofoo My shoes are laced with irony Staff Member Moderator

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    This is why I love this group so much.
    Skybreeze, Cactusflower and Tak like this.
  12. Tak

    Tak Tak has left the building.

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    I have no words to make it better. All we can offer are our condolences and tears for your loss. There is no love like the love of a furry companion. Evelyn sent up a burnt prayer. :xmashug:
  13. Lady Arachnia

    Lady Arachnia Love to be a BushWoolie!!!

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    Thank y'all!!! X

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